Authenticity is a Highly Elusive Gem

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

Brené Brown

“My friends like Simon and Garfunkel. I have started listening to them”

“Do you like them?

“I don’t know. But it’s cool to throw in their name in conversations.”

If there is one thing I have recognized from my growing up years, it has to be the elusiveness of authenticity in everyday life. To start off, I had no idea who I really was. Every day was driven by my emotions and happenings of life on that day. I would wake up and wait for the first tide of life situations to hit me, hard. When the day turned uneventful, I identified myself as the “bored” me.

Socially, there was a mantle. Mantle of all the cool likings, hobbies, bands, clothing brands and the understanding was to try really really hard to sit on that mantle. If not, then constantly be in the pursuit of it. We change and mold ourselves to get to the mantle height. Not a lot of adults realize, that school going kids are suffering from depression and other confidence related issues because of this ladder that needs to be climbed in order to count. And at that age, count we must.

Not just us, everyone else around us seems to have taken a shot of something. The parents are busy figuring out how to live with a hyperactive teen and are periodically looking at their own shining mantle. After all, they have a mantle too and one of the items on it is “how well are your kids doing!”  

The influence of TV and movies are immense which is a completely unauthentic medium. My generation saw the rise of the promotional advertising culture which posed an exaggerated version of everything - living or otherwise. We learnt a great deal from the movies on how to be cool, but alas authenticity just kept on moving to back row seats.

It’s almost amusing that we get “educated” in such an environment. While there were a couple of exceptional teachers, most were going through the motions. They probably did not like the job or just had way too much going on at their end. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that mattered to them was there classes do well overall so they look good on the roster. The point is, we are often taught by teachers who did not relate to authenticity themselves. How could they ever teach us to be authentic set of kids who knew ourselves inside out? That is the tragedy of school education in my opinion.

That is the tragedy of growing up. We create every possible condition for the child to not be who they are supposed to be. Something else is better. Who they are and what they are is passé, the human experience is about becoming better. Thus, we get on this “better” treadmill that is perpetually on and we are stuck to it and it requires immense will and perseverance to get off it, something that is hard to come by at that age.

As I age, my appreciation and respect for authenticity goes up exponentially. The power of an authentic person is unmatched. The person may have no skill at all but if they are in a room with their true authentic self, they stand out. They own the room.  Creative people harness this power constantly. It’s the raw power than channels creative force that is inexplicable.

In the summer of 2015, I attended a concert which was a part of the U2's Innocence and Experience tour. Our seats were pretty close to the stage and I could see Bono and the team pretty up close. Although any superlatives on the experience of the concert will let the truth down, something else moved me beyond words. Bono was then 55 and a smaller frame than I would have thought him to be. From the first note he hit, he seemed to be possessed. He was possessed with a power to move mountains just as he moved the crowd. His voice reverberating and piercing through the walls at the United Center, it was pure magic. I just watched him, intently. Yes, it’s years and years of practice. And yes, he was a master of his craft. But there is something more. He was channeling an internal power that seemed recognizable. Using his body to aid this internal Godliness wholly and completely, not a second seemed like real effort. I couldn't help but mutter the words "He is just himself". Just an unadulterated form of being. And in that moment, I wondered if that is what happens when we reach complete congruence between our internal true self and our external body - a state of no effort that feels like pure magic. I was captured by a jealous feeling, in a not so negative way. I wanted to feel that, feel that so bad for myself. So far, I have only been in a deep pursuit for this congruence when internal and external boundaries subside; where struggle and effort vanish. I am not there yet. There are moments but I am not there yet.

What comes in our way? Why is it such a struggle to let our true selves shine? As much as I want to take responsibility for it, I cannot but think of the several masks we are forced to wear in our lives. Starting way early in school where our grades decide what happens to us and the only way forward is to imbibe the qualities that the boy/girl with the first rank possess; we were never just enough in of ourselves. Modelling ourselves to a successful pattern was our Darwinism. Surviving and ensuring societal success is the journey and the goal. By now, we are far far away from who we really are. This is the success and the punishment of this generation. We have been successful in creating job warriors who will propagate the economy forward by doing whatever it takes. With that we have created perfectly unique and healthy human beings who now find themselves sweating out long hours at a desk and introduced them to obesity, depression, sleeping pills and a whole generation of young people who stare at their ceilings at night wondering where life is going. There is inhibition around accepting our inability to find meaning and purpose in what we do. Remember the mask that still has not come off? The respite comes in small flashes of introspection where we recognize the incongruity or just feel the growing discomfort. That's when we, even if it is just for a moment, become an observer instead of a participant.

My hope and prayer is all of us in the journey reclaim our true selves, in spite of how our egos have evolved. Instead of trying to mold ourselves into who we think we should become, we listen to what life is saying to us and calling us to do. That we embrace our limitations as much as our strengths - our "wholeness of being". That not fitting into a successful job classification is not a matter of shame anymore - may be it’s just not who we are. My wish for the the new age conscious parents is to nurture and protect their child's uniqueness fiercely. I read somewhere that our calling is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received. Sometimes our quest to meet the purpose of life can drown out our own voice on what life is gifting us every day, every second. My  prayer is that humanity learns to recognize and respect their true self and let others just be. I can’t wait to see the world in that state of congruency, where everyone is noone else but themselves. Who else could they be? I can only imagine miracles sparking everywhere!

The reason I am obsessed with my now 2 year old niece is she is just wholly herself. There is no adulteration. Just like Bono when he is performing, her vicissitudes and idiosyncrasies are completely hers. She doesn't know how to not be herself. Fortunately, she has not been handed any masks yet. I find myself watching her and wishing she never ever loses her own spark, uniqueness and chutzpah. That she always chooses her own self above being anyone else in any life situation. My hope and prayer for her is to know a life without any masks.

Moment of contemplation:

• What masks have you been compelled to wear since childhood?

• What circumstances from your teenage contributed to creating those masks?

• What purpose do these masks serve for you?