Perspectives...

Today is the last day I get to be with you 24x7. I thought I would be looking forward to making this transition. After spending days getting overwhelmed about whether I am doing this right, after the killing soreness that ensues from breastfeeding, crying alone in the bathroom for no reason and not being able to sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch for months, I really thought I would love to have some time to myself. I was excited by the thought of meeting my colleagues, having a different routine and just generally having different ambitions than making that 5oz pump bottle! But here is the thing. Something happened in the last 120 days. I fell in love. Deeply. And I have a feeling I will never be able to undo that.  Motherhood is hard, probably the hardest thing I have undertaken. Not only did I find it hard, I doubted each move and was certain I was doing things wrong. Three months post-partum, I gave myself a B minus at the job. It’s not an easy place to be in and I

It’s ok to be sad. yes. It’s ok to be sad. You will be sad. The day is bright and you have all the reasons to be grateful but you are sad. It may appear that the sadness arrives for no apparent reason and it stays. It rips your heart open. It mixes with wind and becomes your breath. And then your blood. And that’s ok. Feel it and let it go. Or let it stay a while and feel it longer. I get a feeling that I can decide how long I want to romance sadness. But sometimes I dont have a choice. It just stays on. And that't ok. I am ok.