Perspectives...

I have pangs of pain while driving back from work....I get flashes of dadu. It scares me because its so strong. It almost jolts me to believe he is dead. Why do we hate denial? Denial is good...it helps you create a semblance of sanity. Because wait it out as much as you like....reality hits the door sooner than expected. Life is so fascinating. The small intricate complexities.....they are like colors. There is so much variety when an emotion merges into another....its spectrum is much wider than a rainbow.

Its almost surreal to lose him...the reason I have resisted writing about my grandfather's death for almost 15 days now, is that I don't believe it. It cannot be true. I have always believed that he is immortal and that has not changed. May be its because I did not see his body burning on the pyre. For me these images are third party narrations and some part of me will always believe that they will remain just that. I don't miss him...its strange. I feel him all around. To say I loved him more than my parents will not be unjust...its the bond that became stronger every year. I thank him for most of the goodness I posses....he embedded the concept of serving others in my mind by merely living everyday and touching lives to turn them for the better. For much of my adult life i have feared one thing more than anything else....to lose him. He was the subtle strength of our family. We have weathered many storms because he was the rock which gave us shelter. I feel detached now