Holding Myself Back

My husband stomps out of the bathroom, while venturing out to his first ever firing range experience - "I have decided that I am not going to hold myself back anymore". We both looked at each other for a good 20 seconds. I felt a shift. Although, a firing range experience is not entirely what springs me out of bed, it is as esoteric as kundalini yoga or chakra cleaning is to him. But I thought about it for a long time after he left. Admist my books, journal and pens - thinking gives me immense joy. What did he really mean? I knew exactly what he meant but I wanted to play this out more, a lot more. 

I have known my husband for 15 years now, we were two little kids who had a thing for each other. 15 years and counting, we had learnt newer and innovative ways to hold ourselves back. We learnt new fears, newer liabilities, new things we could lose, relationships that needed us to adjust, jobs that required us follow a directed route in lieu of "everything under the sun". We didn't talk much about it, this was life - c'est la vie! We made these choices and here we were. But there was always this voice, this lingering voice that tried to raise its hand, always. But the burden of "everything under the sun" was heavy enough. 

But the past year has been different. We had seen it all, well almost. We started listening to the lingering voice even in the presence of the noises. And we started noticing something that changed our lives - we started giving heed to what gave us joy! It was utterly simple but so liberating. He took to varied experiences - ice skating, playing league tennis, shooting(ahem) and I played with writing, energy healing and meditation.We have never been happier. The process has taught us acceptance and respect for each other's interest. So, while we are independently pursuing our interests, it has made our marriage stronger.To know that someone loves you after you have exposed undisclosed facets of yourself is immensely liberating. 

We are not holding ourselves back anymore. Life's rigmarole is exciting to a point, after that its just noise - that's my take. Self awareness and connecting with our joys, no matter how ridiculous they may sound, was worthwhile for us. Joy is pure soul and vice versa. The gift of life behooves us to pursue our joys - anything else is just a hold back!

The plan for 2015 is to continue to experience different things. There is so much in this beautiful world to see, touch, smell, taste, feel - let's see how much we can cover until its time to say adios!