Notes to my 15 year old self: Sometimes, just surrender

"God can dream a bigger dream for me, for you, than you could ever dream for yourself. When you've worked as hard and done as much and striven and tried and given and plead and bargained and hoped...surrender. When you have done all that you can do, and there's nothing left for you to do, give it up. Give it up to that thing that is greater than you, and let it then become a part of the flow."

— Oprah Winfrey

There will be plenty of times when you will feel that lives not turning out well. As teens, there are many society induced success charts or a memorandum of how life ought to be. Your peers will constantly strive for this man made dictum and your elders will say no different, I am not talking about exceptions here. Needless to say, the plague will catch on to you as well and you spend the rest of the living moments upholding societal dogmas.

There will be days when you will heart out because you tried your best and failed, words didn't come out of your mouth in a debate competition, you didn't qualify for an important exam...these societal milestones bog us down and we will indeed find some people laughing at us. You bet they will. Because ridiculing someone else puts them at a higher pedestal and bestows a high of a pseudo win.

Later in your life, you will find yourself at several crossroads - which stream of studies, which job, job or a masters, this guy or that, love over family's honor, not clearing qualifying exams after the nth attempt. You will feel alone and tired. What do I do, you will ask...After years of lamenting over challenges in life, I have finally found the panacea that heals in the darkest moments. Surrender. Its really as simple as that. Let go of the reins that you never really had in the first place.

A couple of years back, I felt a constant restlessness in me and I had no clue what it was or what I was supposed to do. It was driving me crazy. One day, out of utter despair I prayed. I prayed.. " God, I don't know what to do, I am really really lost . Can you please help me find some answers? Please show me the way". I felt an instant calm, a deep sense of relief. I couldn't understand then but looking back, pieces of the puzzle started trickling down soon after. The answer was not handed out to me but started seeing signs. One person would connect me to a book, or a YouTube video, which would lead to another person of interest who would lead me closer to where I have to be.Oprah Winfrey's story on surrender is my favorite.She wanted to be a part of the movie based on Alice Walker's classic "Color Purple". After a passionate audition, she didn't hear back and after trying to follow up was given a very discouraging answer. In despair, she found herself surrendering to a higher power. She asked God to help her let go of the hurt and bitterness if she doesn't get the part. In a mystical moment, she found herself singing "I surrender all" and she found herself feeling like a weight has been lifted of her. Soon after, she was informed that she got the iconic part of Sofia in the movie "Color Purple".

Our realistic, pragmatic minds cannot fathom the workings of the formless world. We don't believe in anything we cannot see. But sometimes, we just have to learn to let go, let go of trying to make sense, of applying logic. Much like we do about the miraculous process of conceiving to the actual birth of a baby. It is unreal if you really think about it but humanity has surrendered to it and we don't think about it logically as much. We know it will take care of itself. That we don't have to worry about feeding the baby in the womb or keeping it warm. We have surrendered that 'something' has it covered and it will be just fine!

Why cant we believe that the 'something' will take care of us when we ask for it? Its a matter of belief, you have to choose which side you want to be. Trust that the universe is forever guide and friend or that life's struggles will be your life long friend.

I wish I had chosen the former much earlier in life and as your friend, I ask you to give surrender a chance...