Notes to my 15 year old self: An Everyday Practice

The world hit you with a blow pretty early in life. Self esteem issues, pressure to be an academic star- from family and friends, standing up to the image that the society wants from your parents and they from you, the list just seemed endless. And you, you are lost in the midst of this rigmarole  What is this? Am I here to just stand up to expectations from different quarters? Will I ever be successful or worse, will I ever be "deemed" successful by these prying eyes. And I am not even sixteen yet! 

Its hard to be where you are right now. From where I stand, its probably the hardest time of your life. Its also the most pivotal. Because sadly, this is where your self image is forming, your ego is strengthening and the saddest of all, fear is rising. These three together will ensure that you carry a baggage, a baggage so heavy that choosing happiness will be a distant dream. You will always feel less than. Even when you are perfectly able, you feel that you are not up to it. Your exponentially growing ego will make believe that other people are very different from you. They can all be scaled and rated on a variety of criteria - looks, height, class ranking, clothing brands, cars, cell phones, etc. The fact that you identify with this thought gives the ego a million ways to capture your thought over the years. The ego has planted the seed for years of outwardly focused thoughts and fear based thinking. Now, it can sit back and relax and watch you spend your most wonderful years in silent agony inside your mind.

As much as this time has the potential to effect your quality of life, You have the power to not give ego the permission to do so. There are three things you have to do. Firstly, know, know for sure that you are infinitely bigger than any man made label. First ranker, swimming champ, good orator, obedient daughter - these are just a miniscule part of what you are. In fact, these are not even you, these are different facets of your personality or your outward image. Again, know that you are way beyond the roles, responsibilities, labels and titles. 

Second, you have to be aware when your ego is playing games with you. Every time  you feel jealous of a friend because they are wearing a better brand, ask yourself "Who is it that is feeling jealous?". And then ask yourself "Who is it that is asking this question?". Take a few deep breaths. You will know in that moment that the your ego is pushing you towards feeling jealous and its the real Self that is aware of this fact. The more you can catch these moments and be aware of your ego, the weaker it gets. Don't think of this as a battle that needs to be won. Think of it this as a gift you give yourself.

Third, keep at it! It is some work and your ego is going to do as much as it can to weaken your resolve. It is going to be hard to look at your life with an objective lens and be an observer from a distance. But its the single biggest thing you can do for yourself.