Phasing Ambition

Everyone who has ever known me will tell you that I am very ambitious. Have been for pretty much all of my life. And that has led to discontent. The whole idea around ambition is, and i speak for myself, you keep lofty goals and you are so driven and motivated that you achieve them. Failure is not a choice. Once a goal is reached, you look for another lofty one. And it goes on. My perspective is that ambition and discontent go hand in hand. 

I have been mostly discontent around my career. I have always wanted something bigger and better. What I have presently, never seemed good enough to me. Or way too easy or I felt like I have conquered that territory, I need to capture something else. I have frowned on people who have seemed content, even my husband. Many a times, he has received unsolicited advice from me on what he should do next. For God's grace, he has only ever ignored my suggestions. But his serenity has always irked and provoked me. His ideals have always been counter intuitive to mine and its good that we both understand the importance of respecting each other's opinions. Otherwise....

I just spent a week at Wall Street, NY for my new job - the Mecca for all ambitious people of the world. Evenings were usually spent sitting on public benches looking at people passing by. As expected, people were working really late and always in a hurry. Suited up, they all looked like models. But there were somethings missing in that whole street- soul and love. It almost seemed like they are enslaved - by the pursuit of more money, by that mortgage on the new house, by the prospects of a promotion or possibly paying the EMI for the recent Ferrari purchase. No one stopped and looked, at anything. There was no savoring of the moment. The present did not really mean anything, it was just a stepping stone to the future aspirations. Then a thought struck me....they are all going to die in another 50 years. All of this will mean nothing. The money that is at the top of the minds, will cease to have any value in their minds. What will they remember from these times? Will they remember anything?

What I have realized is there is a trick to cut the vicious cycle of ambition and discontent. Understanding the realm beyond whats apparent is the trick. Understanding your true self, beyond the ego and wordily measures - that person, that person can get us out of this rut. And I figured out the hard way. There is still much to learn but what I know for sure, that the supreme thing to pursue is love. There is nothing else. Everything leads to love, if not in the youth, then on the death bed. It comes around and gives us a glimpse. Love is our true self. 

 There is a metamorphosis that's in process in me. I feel it and its only going to consume me. I hope it does.