My Wedding Day

Finally it came....my wedding day. The day I was supposed to be waiting for all my life. I was supposed to be the absolute focus of the day. It was supposed to be fairy tale. It was all that....not sure about the fairy tale bit though. It was fun nonetheless. There was the expected craziness and chaos...how could we have ever done without that! There was love pouring in from all sides but not in its usual form....like my mom did not have time to sweet talk with me, but had the time to make a 7 course meal...you know what I mean. In life, expectation of a specific expression of love can kill it and it did for me sometimes. But I was repeatedly told..."things like these happen in weddings".

Three things stood out for me throughout the wedding....don't get me wrong...I loved that people came from far and near, gave me a lot of money(chuckle), kinda enjoyed(I hope so)....but if I were to remember this day 20 years down the line, these three things would come to my mind first.

First is that my team of brothers and sisters rose up to the occasion. They sang and danced honestly. I felt a great rush of belonging to them and I would cherish it all my life. They planned the wedding, the DJs, the ushering the guests to their places, singing as professionals (that was a discovery) and doing everything one would for their "very own". And Mridu is a part of that group...my very best friend proved why she will always always be special to me.

Second was the memory of Dadu. I don't think the fact that my sagai coincided with his 3rd death anniversary had much to do with it. I thought of him all the time and although I didn't feel his presence, I kept wishing he was there in the crowd. I miss him....so much even now.

Third and most importantly....I felt complete when I married N. From time immemorial, I firmly believed that my mind will be cast with doubts and inhibitions when I am sitting there in front of the pyre. And I never doubted that thought ever. That's why I always resisted marriage. But tell you what...there was no other moment in our 10 year long relationship that made me feel so sure of us. Absolutely none. I felt a calm and peace like I made the best decision I ever could....that he is going to never leave my side....that he is going to love me forever without ever telling me he does....that he is going to be my best friend forever. And that...that made my wedding a success in my mind.

...for the longest time I was told or heard that when you meet the ONE...you know. I never felt like that...till...I was actually getting married. I KNEW in that moment that he is the ONE. So don't believe in everything you hear....living the truth and experiencing the doubts is so liberating sometimes.

So yes I am HAPPILY married right now:) and I know its not going to be perfect. We will not stop fighting and our arguments on whether we should retire the existing Scotch Brite! But what I know is that we will always take care of each other no matter what....that we can always hug each other to drive those blues away...and that chicken wings always taste better when we are together!!:)