Dealing with death when you are so far away...goodbye jethu

I have visions of my loved ones passing away. Not in a bad way but just as a sort of a preparation. Its my biggest scare...to lose someone...to never be able to see someone. And it happened today. My jethu...my dad's brother passed away today because of a heart attack. There are very very few times when my dad's voice quivers over the phone. First was when my grandmother passed away and second was today when his brother did. When I heard the voice, I knew something was wrong. And all the people who are either sick or old in the family, crossed my mind. I felt like my body got prepared to listen to something really grim in a matter of a few seconds. When he told me, I felt like I already knew but still could not register it. I was made aware of how everything transpired and there was this silence after the phone call ended. I felt like, this is it! Its been a while I had seen him...much longer than I would have desired because he truly was one of the best human beings with a golden albeit weak heart. Everyone loved him because he was fun and a great soul. Its just that with life's rigmarole, we forget people and how they shaped you, forget the strength of their small contribution in your life, the sacrifices they made that had its ramifications in your life, we forget everything because....we are busy!We have dreams to follow, money to earn, stand up to societal expectations, try to make everyone happy. It all sounds so lame and seem so worthless today. Why does it always happen? That although we know we only understand peoples worth when they are gone, we don't value them when they are indeed alive.

Sitting oceans away, I feel a frustration that I cant describe. I don't want to see anyone. I just want to do something to help my aunt and my lill sister. I can feel her agony that she is still stuck at Delhi because there is no flight out of Delhi at this time. What must be going through her head? How must she feel sitting there in an airport...waiting? and for what...to see her dad lying motionless on the ground. I want to see him once before he is gone forever, I really want to. I want to say goodbye and apologize for not meeting him before leaving for the US. But I cant. These are the days that I wish I was still in India, earning less money but still be able to stand up for my family during times like theses.

Jethu, now that you are on the other side, I just wish you a lot of peace. You were the best soul and I still remember your "Mini Shona".....no one has called me that except you and I felt so loved whenever you called me that. Miss you!!

yours forever,

mini shona