Perspectives...

...on 7th of June. It actually flew by....it only gave me a whiff...but what a whiff it was. The outpour of love from my parents and relatives was heart warming. My dad actually bought a card and scanned the copy and emailed me....wow! They also had a small party at home where they a cut and made merry...for my birthday!Its silly and great...but its so very sweet. But it was my husband of 4 months and boyfriend of 10 years who completely took me by surprise...there were a string of surprises for me that all took great effort to plan...I am sure. The details are ethched in my heart. Its moments like these that makes me halt and think of the years, the decisions, the choices....I got my family who love and adore the life out of me...hell yeah...I turned out OK!!:D

My mind and heart went through immense turmoil yesterday. N and I were invited to a wedding of a new friend. I had met her once in a bar and although we were surrounded by libations of different order, we connected over tales of  ilish mach  and  kosha mangsho . There was a connection….a bong connection:) Their marriage was decided based on the alignment of stars and fell on a Monday! N and I decided to not go..one it was a weekday and then the temple where they were getting married was 50 miles away! I thought over it for the whole night…I am like that…matters of heart and emotion cause me a lot of distress. We had attended their sangeet last Sunday and in one passing moment found her  mom(who is btw very Bengali…) looking at me…she had never seen me before so it was kind of strange but I gave her a smile back. I wanted to give the bride a  sindoorer kouto  but since the bride was so busy, I decided to walk over to her mom. She held my hand ...

When I was a little girl, I knew Paris to be a place that(may be) looks like heaven. In my adolescence when I was being eaten up alive by the Mills and Boon novels and I spent every waking moment reading a romantic/semi raunchy book, I knew Paris to be a place where extremely good looking men and women come from, which only corroborated the fact that it cannot be for real. My mom spoke of the movie "An Evening in Paris" quite often with much gusto. And as an evidence of her enthusiasm, she would hum a few lines from the title song....with extra aaaas in Paris....And Evening in Paaaaaris! Ah those were the days... So today, as I pack my bags to take the flight to Paris in the evening, its only natural that I feel surreal about it. Many people have asked me over the last few days...excited?. And then I ask myself the same question...excited? I am not excited. I am happy about this trip...really happy. Its much bigger than we thought it would be and the fact that we ar...

Life is crazy, a very tough cookie... Alas I am just a rookie... If only I knew it was this convoluted... I would have carried more of my tools along... But wait...looks like I am building the tools as I go...

How many times have you heard that its important that we find ourselves??....so many...right? I have too. And at times it seemed like just another jargon out there....self realization, knowing thyself, realizing your dreams, knowing your true self...I held the opinion that these ideologies are just making some self help authors really really rich. Until now....now that I am facing one of the biggest challenges of my life. I don't know myself completely. I don't know what I want to be. I don't have a true north yet. More than anything, there is fear. What if I never realize my passion? What if its too late? I fear living someone else's definition of success. Its a very strange phase of my life. Very frustrating indeed. Personally, its the happiest phase of my life with my wedding and everything else that has funneled a lot of love in my life.But its also very tumultuous as this search for my purpose has consumed me completely. But I know I will find it bec...

I am sitting here in the living room with the laptop on my lap and my very new husband sitting in the couch in front of me watching the aggressive Miami vs Chicago match....and I cant stop thinking...how happy I am. I have never been happier in my entire life. Yes, I feel like my work could have been a lill more challenging, I am still looking for a higher purpose in my life....but this feeling is easily recognizable as 'happiness'! I now know something absolutely for sure and this is not something I want to preach...this is the wisdom I have gained through painstakingly going through life, accepting its vicissitudes and learning from them. Our life feels hollow from one thing....and that is a lack of love. When we have love and you know that kind of love, that fills your heart, you don't feel hollow anymore. The pursuit of true love is indeed a difficult journey....but worth it!

Finally it came....my wedding day. The day I was supposed to be waiting for all my life. I was supposed to be the absolute focus of the day. It was supposed to be fairy tale. It was all that....not sure about the fairy tale bit though. It was fun nonetheless. There was the expected craziness and chaos...how could we have ever done without that! There was love pouring in from all sides but not in its usual form....like my mom did not have time to sweet talk with me, but had the time to make a 7 course meal...you know what I mean. In life, expectation of a specific expression of love can kill it and it did for me sometimes. But I was repeatedly told..."things like these happen in weddings". Three things stood out for me throughout the wedding....don't get me wrong...I loved that people came from far and near, gave me a lot of money(chuckle), kinda enjoyed(I hope so)....but if I were to remember this day 20 years down the line, these three things would come to my min...