Perspectives...

I have heard myself saying "I want this" or "I want more", so many times now that it does not seem out of place when these do come out of my mouth. As humans, we are wired to desire, to long for more. To not be satiated is the birth right! The coveted house, the zippy car, the stainless steel appliances, the new spice jars or that incredibly beautiful spatula?!?....the things that seem desirable or absolutely essential for my sane living is funny and sad at the same time. But then I took a new job which requires me to stay away from my very mediocre 2 bedroom rental, that has steadily grown on us, I must add. And it didn't really take a lot of time to set things into perspective! Not long at all! There are two things that I miss, miss in a way that the pit of my stomach hurts when I sit here in a eerie hotel room with the tv on....how glamorous  is that!  One i miss my baby....oh no matter how articulately I try to express that feeling, I will fail. Le...

I wrote quite a bit on our France trip...starting to gather the pages and putting them on the cloud... 31st May, 2012 Oh the Paris dreams! I knew it was not easy to reach Paris....and I am still not there. Stuck in the rigmarole of cancelled planes, delayed connections....we are now waiting at the London Heathrow airport. Much less grand than I thought it would be....reminds me of India but Indian metropolitan airports look much better now in comparison....but I am digressing now. It's funny that I saw this advertising board which said “every stop is a step forward". This was when we were at the Washington airport and the news that our flight to Paris has been just cancelled, was broken to us. That's it...no reasons, no explanations....just that it is cancelled. So we were given a connection via London which would help us get to Paris before our night tour at the seine river starts at 6pm. But alas....the domino effect or some other effect that I can't re...

...on 7th of June. It actually flew by....it only gave me a whiff...but what a whiff it was. The outpour of love from my parents and relatives was heart warming. My dad actually bought a card and scanned the copy and emailed me....wow! They also had a small party at home where they a cut and made merry...for my birthday!Its silly and great...but its so very sweet. But it was my husband of 4 months and boyfriend of 10 years who completely took me by surprise...there were a string of surprises for me that all took great effort to plan...I am sure. The details are ethched in my heart. Its moments like these that makes me halt and think of the years, the decisions, the choices....I got my family who love and adore the life out of me...hell yeah...I turned out OK!!:D

I am sitting here in the living room with the laptop on my lap and my very new husband sitting in the couch in front of me watching the aggressive Miami vs Chicago match....and I cant stop thinking...how happy I am. I have never been happier in my entire life. Yes, I feel like my work could have been a lill more challenging, I am still looking for a higher purpose in my life....but this feeling is easily recognizable as 'happiness'! I now know something absolutely for sure and this is not something I want to preach...this is the wisdom I have gained through painstakingly going through life, accepting its vicissitudes and learning from them. Our life feels hollow from one thing....and that is a lack of love. When we have love and you know that kind of love, that fills your heart, you don't feel hollow anymore. The pursuit of true love is indeed a difficult journey....but worth it!

Finally it came....my wedding day. The day I was supposed to be waiting for all my life. I was supposed to be the absolute focus of the day. It was supposed to be fairy tale. It was all that....not sure about the fairy tale bit though. It was fun nonetheless. There was the expected craziness and chaos...how could we have ever done without that! There was love pouring in from all sides but not in its usual form....like my mom did not have time to sweet talk with me, but had the time to make a 7 course meal...you know what I mean. In life, expectation of a specific expression of love can kill it and it did for me sometimes. But I was repeatedly told..."things like these happen in weddings". Three things stood out for me throughout the wedding....don't get me wrong...I loved that people came from far and near, gave me a lot of money(chuckle), kinda enjoyed(I hope so)....but if I were to remember this day 20 years down the line, these three things would come to my min...

Yes...its been a decade. It still doesn't seem long. The journey has been of immense learning, its made me what I am today. Don't get me wrong....I have a clear identity of myself in my head(too much of it sometimes!) but I attribute most of my good qualities to this relationship. And it has not been rosy throughout, brought out the devil inside of me many a times, made me cry in frustration, have sleepless nights, doubt my future...it broke me down....broke him down....but then we rose up like the phoenix....and the cycle continued. And now...nothing breaks us...nothing will. We always have each other. Through many years of very selfish living with each other, each wanting our own little things from the relationship, we found selfless love. Its a peaceful place...

Are you looking for that perfect person for yourself? How was that perception created? Books...movies....friends talking about their perfect halves? Love somehow gets lost in all of this. It's unable to stand up against its biggest nemesis...the perception of the perfect partner. Because love is the quieter one, less conspicuous, it speaks less and does more. Its a constant battle which perception could have always easily won, only if perception was not so vain. Love always comes through, it's the anchor that fights for you through the worst storms. It wins because its pure and honest. Love is indeed the choice we make. The choice can be hard since the first impression of love doesn't sweep the ground away. It stands at distance and looks out for you. But the choice is rewarding. Its a reward for you to have chosen honesty over vanity....the prospect of long term happiness over a few adrenaline rushes.