Honoring our Gifts

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” ~Mary Dunbar

You have a gift

I know that

You know that

You are scared it will reveal itself

Our gifts are sacred. They are also hugely undermined by their carriers. When I first took to writing, it was a little "Mansfield Park" journal that no one was allowed to touch. The reason being - its sacred which I still hold to be true but the other reason baffled me for a long time. I didn't want other people to make fun of me. The consideration that anyone could find what I write to be good enough seemed far-fetched. 

My writing gave me great solace in my times of darkness. I would re-read my essays, notes and poems and come out feeling like I got my energy back. But it was not for the world. We can name that a lot of things - lack of self-esteem or self-confidence. But it was something more...

• I didn't consider writing to be my gift

• A part of me knew that writing is my gift

• I was not ready to change my life due to my gift

• I was not ready for my family and friends to perceive me differently

• I realized eerily how powerful my gift can be

With deep trepidation, I submitted my first essay on an online site. A lot of things went through my mind - will my friends see me through a different lens? Will my family think that I am crazier than they thought I was? What will my husband think of me? This is not "normal". Do I really need this? Should I send them a note to ignore my post? I came very close to a "sorry, I sent this by mistake" but something stopped me. A part of me was ready to face the fear. 

Then came the comments and with it came some much needed clarity. A lady wrote to me that the post was "just what she needed to read at that time". Another comment noted that the words "really resonated with them". That's it! I knew why I wrote. Why I wrote anything at all. It didn't have to be any bigger. She got me. He got me. This was not redemption. This was realization. 

I started looking around and studying my friends - each one had a gift I could uniquely recognize. Some could sketch beautifully, some could write a computer code like a breeze, some were awesome facilitators and then there were the soulful artists. While some got out, many of them are still journal-ling, just like I did. 

What is a gift after all? We can call it our gift, our purpose, our personal legend or the calling - they all point to the same thing. It is the constant knock on the door. It is that constant underlying feeling that there is something more and that there is a need to address it. The urgency of it is directly proportional to our act of ignoring our gifts. This urgency manifests itself in many innovative ways – I have personally experienced it as restlessness, unprecedented boredom, lack of aliveness and a general feeling that life is passing by coupled with bouts of sessions when I would cry without reason. But the most destructive manifestation was in addictions, I was addicted to sweets and I would eat with vengeance. It took me a while to get to the bottom of that one. We often tend to turn to compulsions and addictions to drown out that urgent voice. We keep trying until we reach a breaking point and finally pay it heed. 

We are scared! We are scared to recognize our gifts because then we are obligated to do something about it. As long as it sits in the journal, in the basement, in the closet, in our minds - we can carry on with our normal lives. The moment we acknowledge, we have to honor it. 

But we are also deeply aware, although we may not accept that our gifts when brought to the world can have a profound impact, even if we never come to know about it. We are cultured to think that this might be a case of self - glorification or narcissism. How could we have any impact on other people? How preposterous of us? Our social thinking overrides our belief in our gifts.

Then there is the case of the belief that "no one will get us". It is always too abstract, too deep, very crazy or extremely out there. It makes us uncomfortable to think that no one will buy our work. It will just rut out in the world. 

There are several such stories that we tell ourselves. Fear cripples us. Good news is that since we created then, we have the power to demolish them. 

Our gifts are not of the material world. They connect at the spirit level and thus their recognition causes a resonance with the universe. Once we decide to listen to that constant humming and listen carefully, we start connecting with the formless. There is no fear and there is no expectation at that level but here, our gifts meet their purpose.

I don't think that our job is to worry about happens to our work after it is out in the world. Our contract is to honor that hidden pot of joy that we constantly resist but secretly revere. That's our only job in this matter. What happens to it after is up to the universe. 

Someone somewhere is going to get it. We need only one to fulfill the contract. I am not setting my expectations low but our gifts do not necessarily have to be on the bestseller's list. They just need to be received. If the fear of not being on the list debilitates and keeps us from getting our work it, imagine that person whose life we could have impacted right when they needed it. 

So publish that book, send the painting to the gallery contest, start that blog, open that business, put up that homemade jewelry online, frame those sketches and make that record - someone, somewhere has been waiting for it....