Perspectives...

Most of my early adulthood has gone into discovering what i want to 'do' in my life. Quotes like 'find out what you want to do", "what do you love to do?", "find your calling through your work"  did nothing to help the uproar inside of me. It only made it worse. Destiny, calling, etc. just seemed like buzz words that were incredulous.  The growing awareness that one might be here to do something very specific can be utterly frustration, because it comes without a map or directions. But this awareness is special and it does not come to everyone. In many ways, the source of this frustration is the germination of spiritual journey, as it was for me. A by-product of this phenomenon is restlessness and a restlessness so severe that it would make me cry. This very feeling pushed me to dabble in multiple jobs. I was keenly aware when a job didn't line up with me. I was labeled a job hopper and was threatened that my resume would be a cluster and

The tension in the arm,  sensitivity at the base of spine, tinkle at the back of the leg, The twitched brow, the curved smile,  relentless falling back on a feeling, a feeling of sad, What are you trying to say? Are you trying to come in or get out? Is anyone there.... Living in a haze, rejoicing in the same,   the all pervasive void, waiting for the episode to end. Glimpses of enormous peace,   and a tsunami of restlessness and hollow. Balancing the precarious act,  while waiting for the next glimpse,  the glimpse of eternity, the glimpse of being one with the glimpse....